This Is Why Your Relationships Fail (Male version)

Men all want to know how to avoid the girl who grow up to be evil-hag women, who nag and complain while systematically emasculating you.

Here is a fool-proof... well... not FOOL-proof, more like you-can-do-it-if-you-have-self-control... but anyway; here is a plan to avoid the aforementioned hag:

Do not date an insecure woman! I know that for the most part American men are raised to want to fix things. (Not in the mechanical sense, although that does happen.) But you go to a young American guy with a problem he'll want to give you the answer. So when an American man sees an American girl with a self-esteem problem he wants to make her see herself the way he sees her. Sounds fine and dandy, right? But no.

Men listen well: AMERICAN GIRLS DO NOT WANT SOMEONE TO FIX THEM, THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO LOVES THEM JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. They do not want your simple solutions, or your fact-based logic.

Unfortunately, secure men already know this, (for the most part) the only men infatuated with insecure girls are insecure guys.

So here is the story,
Not-Man-Enough Tom meets Not-Woman-Enough Sue. Tom sees that Sue sees herself as fat, ugly, and annoying and Tom sets out to show her that she is perfect, beautiful, and interesting. Sue, sure that no other man will feel they way about her that Tom does, immediately is attracted. They begin to date. Sue can tell that Tom doesn't like how down she is about herself and takes it personally. Tom can feel that Sue is distancing herself and takes it personally. Sue thinks Tom spends too much time trying to fix her and not enough time telling her she is pretty. Tom think Sue is nice but is always hiding when her feelings are hurt and constantly making a big deal out of problems he did not even know were there. He is tired of her calling him crying, all.the.time. Tom has to do what he realizes he kind of always knew he would have to do from the start of the relationship, and that is break up with Sue. Tom feels like a jerk for dragging Sue through a relationship that just hurt her more. They have been dating for so long that Sue's self-esteem is now tied into Tom and she thinks she can't function without him. She calls him. She calls his friends. She dates his friends. Tom can't get away. She tries to make him jealous, guilty, happy, miss her, think of her. NOW she wants his help. She wants anything he'll give her.

So Tom can either A) avoid Sue until she finds another boyfriend to drain, B) feel sympathy for the girl he loved and get back together and do the whole thing over again a month later, C) abuse the relationship for the physical aspect and smush Sue's little heart into the floor, or D) ignore/refuse to see where the relationship is wrong and marry Sue.

Now Sue has popped out a few kids and feels less pretty. She starts gaining weight due to depression and does nothing but wear sweat pants and yell at her kids and yell at Tom. She does not care about looking nice anymore because "Tom should not just be attracted to the outside, he should like who I am inside!!" and now Tom would rather stay at work all day than go home to his loud ogre wife and fat bratty kids.

Either way, at the end Not-Man-Enough-Tom is now Less-Man-Enough-Tom and Not-Woman-Enough-Sue is not Less-Woman-Enough-Sue.

Sure, she should not be being so selfish and doing everything to get focus on her, but you also need to know the man you are so you're brave enough to face your wife/girlfriend when she is not feeling her best.

So you're wondering, how do I avoid needy, whiny, stalk-you-forever, naggy, Sue? That is easy. Do not be insecure. Find out who you are, and the great person God has made you. Realize that He does not make mistakes and that He is in charge of your future, and He says not to worry about it. (And if God says not to worry about it, do not worry about it. HE'S GOT YOUR BACK.) When you realize who you are you will not be entertained by girls parade their insecurity as a man-trap for you to fall into.

See that is the thing. It takes self-control. You can't date the first cute Sue that smiles at you just because you're tiredof being alone. You have to get to know her personally, in a group setting, who she is when things are going bad. And when you realize its wrong, you have to distance yourself. Familiar is comfortable. If you know its wrong, and you stick around it you'll convince yourself that what you want is ok. You'll date Sue, because she makes you happy and when you're not with her you're alone. Bored. Thinking about her. (Just what she wants btw) You're hooked and the only way to get unhooked is cold turkey. (Sue will not like this and she'll text you, call you, talk to you, FaceBook you. Anything to get your interest back on her. But remember, she doesn't like you, you're wrong for her. She likes your attention and she doesn't want to mess up her "one shot at true love" just because she doesn't love everything about you at first.)

So this should help,
-Alexandra

PS: If you're insecure, every girl will seem wrong to you in someway. You need to work on you before you try and give yourself to someone else. Dating because you do not want to be alone is selfish and when the relationship fails you'll feel worse than you did when you were alone, because now you're alone and you're a selfish jerk. Who wants to date you? Nobody. So make yourself who you want to be first and then find the girl that fits.

"We don't know what we're doing... let's do it again. We're just amateur lovers with amateur friends." -Amateur Lovers by Switchfoot.